5 Strategies To Become More Resilient

I’d like to think of myself as a pretty resilient person. Yet, I wouldn’t have thought this way a few years ago. I feel that New York City has played a large part in me becoming so.

I am originally from a small town and realized early on that a lot of my hometown qualities needed to be spiced up a bit if I was going to make it here.

New York does not have time to handhold you through shopping for an apartment, overpriced dinners, confusing transportation re-routes, and the cut-throat reality of taxes, taxes, and more taxes.

So, to New York, I am forever grateful. Yet, whether you live in the suburbs, a small town, or one of the world’s biggest cities, each of us can develop our resiliency no matter where we come from or where we live.

Being resilient is a skill that can be learned, and developing the skill is well worth your time.

When you are resilient, you can recover quickly from difficulties and challenges.

In life, it’s not a question if bad things will happen to us or not because they will. It’s the harsh reality of being alive. Even when things are going great, a silent storm is often brewing without us knowing.

When life is going well, we should appreciate these moments. Yet, I feel we are better off recognizing that when things are going well, we should always be preparing for when it isn’t.

When we become derailed off the path we are on, it’s essential to be able to shift gears back and keep moving forward.

And there is good news in all of this.

Genetics plays only a minor role in whether we are resilient or not. So, if you think of yourself as someone who bows down when things get complicated, have no fear.

We can learn what it takes to become more resilient, but only if we are willing to invest the time.

Here are 5 ways to raise your resiliency.

Stop Asking Yourself “Why Me?” When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Asking yourself why me is pulling the victim card.

Instead, what will help you in any situation is changing your perception.

The next time you are faced with a challenge, stop and ask yourself, what am I supposed to be learning right now? Because in every terrible, awful, unavoidable situation, there is a lesson to be learned.

Maybe you won’t see it today, tomorrow, or even two years from now, but the lesson will eventually reveal itself to you if you are willing to see it.

Maybe you are supposed to be an advocate for the experience you went through or a sounding board for others who will experience the same thing as you. Perhaps it is so that you change your course in life, slow down, change jobs, alter friend groups, take better care of yourself, or have an awakening that life is precious and fragile.

There are a million lessons to be learned in any given situation, but they will only show up if you are willing to look through the lens of wanting to learn. Otherwise, it’s easy to curl up and live in a world of why me.

Learn From Your Mistakes

We all make mistakes in life. Some of them may only affect us for a day or two, and the more significant mistakes can cost us money, time, energy, and relationships.

Whether it may be a small or a big mistake, take the time to evaluate what went wrong and ask yourself how you can do things differently next time.

Life often throws us the same problem until we learn the lesson we are supposed to.

Stephen Covey tells us, “You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.”

Therefore, the next time you find yourself in a similar predicament, ask yourself, How can I course-correct the next time I am faced with the same problem?

Put On Your Pivot Pants

I know I am not the only one to think of Ross, Chandler, and Rachel trying to finagle the couch up the stairs when I hear the word pivot.

Life sure has a way of throwing us curveballs, leaving us with—Ok, now what the heck I am supposed to do?”

And while we may initially want to back down and wait to see what happens, I urge you not to take this approach. 

Now to be clear, some problems can only go away with time. Recovery from an illness, healing from a loss, unimaginable traumas. It’s not these life circumstances I am referring to. It’s the stuff that’s annoying. And since it’s annoying, we don’t want to deal with it.

When life is falling apart around you, you can’t be afraid to pivot. Think outside the box. Brainstorm. Ask a trusted confidant. Think. Think. Think. And then act because, more often than not, your problem is not going anywhere. Pick yourself up and do what you need to do.

Expect The Unexpected

Years ago, I was on a bench trial for an outstanding rent payment of $8,000. I would gladly have accepted the charges, except it wasn’t my wrongdoing. My old roommate opted out of her rent payments and took it upon herself to go missing. When the leasing office couldn’t locate her to collect the debt, they had no problem tracking me down to collect every last penny.

There was just one big problem for them.

I wasn’t going down without a fight.

When I signed the lease, the last thing I expected was to end up in my situation.

 Almost nothing in life happens the way we would like it to. So do yourself a favor and expect the unexpected.

Life is the unexpected. Although many of us think we have control, we rarely do.

Do your best to lower your expectations from time to time and remember that life rarely unfolds as we would like it to.

Build A Resiliency Tool Box

Terrible things happen every day to people, and the difference between getting knocked down and staying down or getting up and fighting is all in the amount of resiliency you have built up for yourself.

We should all do ourselves a favor and know pain and suffering will always accompany us in some shape or form. It isn’t to say we should live a life riddled with anxiety, but know there is no out running difficult times.

A better plan of action is to mentally prepare and be well equipped with the tools we need to succeed when we know there is no escaping.

There are 5 c’s that can help us build our resiliency: centering, compassion, confidence, community, and commitment.

Centering: To center yourself, slow down, take deep breaths, and align with the moment. Practice mindfulness so that you don’t become over-reactive or excessively overwhelmed.

Compassion: Have compassion for yourself during a hardship. Beating yourself up will not help the situation by any means. Give yourself a lot of self-care during this time.

Confidence: Remind yourself of your inner strength. Remember, this isn’t the first time you’ve survived a difficult situation, and it won’t be the last.

Community: Focus on maintaining positive relationships. When times get tough, you will need the right kind of support system in place.

Commitment: Commit to showing up for yourself. Dedicate your time and energy to becoming a problem solver and face the problem confidently head-on.

Do you have any other ways that have helped you build your resiliency? I would love to hear in the comments 🙂

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