I can still remember the anticipation and excitement of wanting to get my driver’s license.
I vividly recall sitting on my couch daydreaming about the freedom and “coolness” of being able to hop in my own car, pick up my friends, and go for a drive.
And I found myself saying—
“I’ll be happy once I have my own car.”
Then it happened.
The road trips. The vacations. Freedom. A playlist all my own to play as loud as I wanted. I drove, I sang, but slowly, I wanted something else. My dream was to move to New York City.
I started to save up as much money as I could. I envisioned fancy dinners, new fashionable clothes, and exciting new adventures.
And I found myself saying—
“I will be happy when I move to NYC.”
Then it happened.
Manhattan. Adventures. Fashion. Newness. It felt refreshing and free. My dream came true. Nevertheless, I was brought back to the same mindset.
“I will be happy when I meet someone to spend my life with.”
Finally, I caught onto the reoccurring pattern. I was lusting for the future with such intention that I was missing the moment. I was blind to the present. Why was I so consumed with trying to make time go away? Why was I obsessed with trying to skip ahead? Why couldn’t I be happy now?
I began to reflect, and I was overcome with joy. Memories surfaced. I could still hear the laughter of my friends and I as we crowded into our parent’s back seat because no one could drive. The quietness of growing up in the country.
And so I stopped. I focused on my breath. I learned to live in the moment—all the moments. I found myself sipping on coffee slower. I savored the taste of my food. I put my phone away. I discovered a newfound respect for the next 24 hours ahead. I let myself soak in all the gratitude of everything now because what if that’s all I had? Time waits for no one. Happiness shouldn’t be on pause until it’s all perfect because it never will be.
I will be happy now.
I will be happy now.
I will be happy now.
No matter the season I am in.
No matter the challenges I am faced with.
No matter the dreams I long for.
Everything will unfold as it should, but while I am waiting—
I will be happy now.
And then I found him.