For those who suffer with depression, the holidays are no exception.
What can make things worse is the pressure we feel to put on a happy face, especially when we are anxious or are extremely stressed out because of a never-ending to-do list.
The good news is that we can do a few things to feel more at ease and find more joy during the upcoming holidays.
I think it’s important to mention these five suggestions are a work in progress. We can’t wave a magic wand to make everything better. However, with a bit of practice and a shift in our focus, we can find more joy this year.
1. Decide How You Want To Feel
Today, decide how you want to feel heading into the holiday season. If you want to feel happy or at peace, begin by making that conscious decision.
We often let past circumstances dictate how we will feel. If you felt super anxious last year, try not to hype yourself up from that prior experience. It’s a new year, so work on letting the past live in the past.
When it comes to our family, I will just come out and say it—not everyone is easy to be around. If your brother-in-law makes you want to scream anytime you are near him but what you want to feel is calm, then make the decision now before going into the situation that your main focus won’t be on him.
Remind yourself to focus on what will give you the feeling you are looking for. Perhaps your energy will be shifted on yourself because you are healthy this year. Or, you place your focus on your excitement because you plan to give your father-in-law a gift he has been asking for.
You could even get excited about something as simple as sipping on a nice glass of your favorite chilled white wine or the taste of a delicious appetizer you enjoy. Remember, you can’t change certain circumstances, like the fact you will still need to be around your brother-in-law, but you do have the ability to change what you focus on.
2. Release Expectations
Unfortunately, having high expectations for situations and other people sets us up for disappointment. There is nothing that we have control over that is outside of ourselves. We can’t control the weather, the emotions and behaviors of other people, and sometimes we can’t even control how we can spend the holidays. It’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Perfection should not be the goal, and it’s okay if things don’t go as planned.
Here are some tips:
-Don’t become attached to an outcome
We never have any idea how any situation will play out. For example, if we are thrilled to give our child an expensive gift and then all they want is to play with the box, we may be disappointed when we don’t get the reaction we are looking for. Detach yourself from the outcome and work on accepting what is—is.
-Use Affirmations
Affirmations help to realign the mindset to focus on growth. Repeating these sentences reminds us of the power we have over thoughts. Here are a few to get you started:
~I have complete control over how I respond to any situation
~I am fully in charge of my life
~I choose to be happy this holiday season
-Choose Yourself
Allowing other people’s behavior and emotions to dictate your happiness is a disservice to yourself. Return to number 1 above (when we talked about how you want to feel.) Keeping your eyes on yourself is not being selfish. Repeat your affirmations and choose joy (you deserve this moment) regardless of what is happening around you.
3. Try Not To Procrastinate
Most of us tend to operate best when under a bit of pressure. It’s common to work more efficiently when we have a deadline or someone is holding us accountable. However, when it comes to the holidays, do your best not to procrastinate. Procrastinating can lead to higher levels of stress and anxiety. Instead, sit down and make yourself a list of items that need to be completed.
Begin with the most urgent items. I’ll give you an example. Each year for the holidays, I have to consider how I will be getting home. The longer I wait to do this, the more expensive it becomes. So whether I am booking a car or a flight, I know that I need to schedule my travel ahead of time.
If you’re the type of person that waits until the absolute last minute to do your shopping, pretend to give yourself a different deadline (maybe you need to have everything done by the 20th if you celebrate Christmas.) You could also do a little bit at a time and break your to-do list into smaller mini to-do’s. If you have a significant other, you can even ask him or her to help hold you accountable.
You’ll want your energy saved for time with your family, not stressing over last-minute to-do items.
4. Let Go Of The Little Things
With the holidays come a lot of little things. The type of lights we hang on the tree, the kind of paper we wrap our gifts with, the totes and boxes filled with decorations, the holiday cards, the cookie exchange, the parties and platters, the stockings, and well… you get the point. There are a million little things. Along with remembering all those minor things come many things we can forget or don’t have the energy to deal with.
Sometimes, it’s all too much, and with that comes learning to let go.
It’s ok if all the decorations didn’t get put out. It’s ok if you didn’t finish buying every last item you wanted to get. It’s ok if you don’t have time to make another dessert.
Give yourself room to breathe, and don’t let the trivial things you didn’t get done prevent you from enjoying the holidays.
5. Make Room For The New
Some of us love nothing more than hanging onto every last tradition. However, as time goes on, traditions can change, and anxiety can arise when making room for the new. If this happens to you, remind yourself not everything is meant to stay the same all the time.
If every year you do a cookie exchange and this year you have decided to jump-start your health goals, why not opt for a fuzzy sock exchange? Or an ornament exchange?
While the holidays may make us feel we have to do the things we have always done, new experiences can be refreshing and exciting.
It gives us a chance to think outside the box, and sometimes the best way to think outside the box is to get outside the box in the first place.
Your family may be surprised when you pitch new holiday traditions, or it may feel a little uneasy initially. Still, I can reassure you that it is the perfect opportunity to start new memories.
Do you have any other suggestions how to find more joy this holiday season? I would love to hear in the comments.
Other reads you may enjoy:
12 Ways To Greet Stress With Open Arms
20 Tips To Help You Live A Better Life
5 Strategies To Become More Resilient
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