“Start over, my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.” -Madalyn Beck
When things feel out of our control, it’s easy to forget how much power we still have over our lives. Although we may have this initial reaction to cringe and let it all spiral out of control, we must remind ourselves to stay in the driver’s seat. While moments of weakness can be part of our human nature, we shouldn’t spend too much time sulking and hanging back to see if it’s all going to work out. Instead, we must learn to use our energy to think about how we will change our circumstances.
The what’s working/what’s not working chart helps you to take ownership of your life. While I wouldn’t usually suggest focusing on what you don’t like in your life, I believe if you want to change certain aspects of your life, you have to focus on those circumstances to adjust them. Using this chart is helpful because it works for all areas of your life
Find some time to sit quietly with coffee, tea, or your favorite beverage. No one will judge you if you do this exercise with a glass of wine. The intention is to do this worksheet with your soul focused on bringing joy to all areas of your life.
The list can also help you become ultra-conscientious about your everyday habits. Let me give you an example. When quarantine first began, I didn’t know what to do with myself without seeing friends and family. I quickly became a little too comfortable with my wine and cheese nights. While this was okay for a short time, I knew that it wasn’t in my best interest in the long scheme of things. I was sleeping in, which meant I was starting my writing later in the morning than I wanted to. Ideally, it was not working for me.
What did I need to more of? Caffeine-free tea, to ditch the cheese, and to set my alarm for much earlier.
The what’s working/ what’s not working list also draws your attention to the things you really ought to cut back on. I believe this part of the list is more important than the what’s working list. These are the things getting in the way of you and the best version of you. The sooner you can remove or at least cut back on the items on the what’s not working list, the better off you will be! The what’s working part of your list can help you focus on what you need to spend more of your time, focus, and energy on.
Let’s go over a few more examples of what a list may entail. The first is a work example.
What’s not working: having my phone near me during work because I am too distracted by it
What’s working: starting my day with essential tasks
Action steps: put my phone in a drawer out of sight while I am busy doing my most important tasks of the day
The next is a self-care/health example:
What’s not working: wasting time on social media when I should be working on my self-care
What’s working: taking time to place self-care on my calendar (yoga class, manicure, bubble bath, etc.)
Action steps: set a timer on my cell phone to limit usage spent on all social media platforms. Schedule self-care on my calendar Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays at 8 p.m.
This worksheet can also be used to focus on what’s working and what’s not working with your family. Do the kids give you a hard time getting ready for school in the morning because they hate everything you layout? Then it may be time to pick out their clothes the night before.
As I mentioned, don’t be afraid to fill up your worksheet, it helps to understand holistically all the things you would like to adjust in your life. Of course, you will want to work on one item at a time, as you don’t want to get overwhelmed.
When you are done making your list, place it somewhere you can see it as a reminder. Change takes consistent effort. Review your worksheet often to ensure you are maintaining your action steps. The goal is to reduce or eliminate all the what’s not working as often as possible.
Reset, and go!