Strategies to help you birth your baby with confidence
I think it’s important for me to share this story for several reasons. It’s positive, and we all need to hear more encouraging stories about birth. I know not everyone has a positive experience with labor, and others didn’t have the delivery they had wished for, but I hope you give yourself grace no matter your story. If you have yet to give birth or had a negative experience, know that no matter how your little one enters this world, it is a powerful moment to provide yourself with praise. It is truly a gift once you have your baby in your arms.
There is often a huge fear around giving birth, and for good reason—but I also think it’s important to pause and feel empowered. Life will never be the same after this truly magical moment in your life.
On May 23rd, 2023, Christian James entered this world. When I woke that morning, it took me a while to get going, I felt very sluggish, so Jimmy and I went outside for fresh air and stopped at Starbucks for a green iced tea. Little did I know by 10:08 that night, my son would be in my arms.
I spent the day working, but my stomach felt queasy as the late afternoon approached. I found myself in the bathroom several times until around 4:30. I sensed slightly that something was happening but knew it could be a false alarm. I contacted my OB, who said I could be in labor but advised me not to worry too much and to keep her posted.
As it turns out, emptying your “system” is your body’s signal of making enough room for the baby to make way, and it also allows the uterus to contract efficiently. So if you are approaching your due date and find yourself in the bathroom one too many times…consider yourself warned 😊
My goal from the beginning was to birth at home for as long as possible because I repeatedly heard that if you are not dilated enough, the hospital will send you back home. Also, I wanted to be in the comfort of my home to ward off unnecessary interventions and to keep myself comfortable.
If you choose to do this as well, discuss this with your doctor ahead of time. Some women are at high risk or live far from the hospital, and it’s essential to know if staying at home is an option for you before you head into labor. I live less than a ten-minute drive from the hospital and discussed this option with my doctor around 35 weeks.
Since it was my first birth, I figured it could be a long process, so I put myself in the bathtub to relax. Although the contractions started becoming more regular, the warm water was relaxing and helped mitigate some of the pain.
Did you know you have access to natural pain relievers during labor? Numerous hormones are flowing through your body that you can use for your benefit. You’ll want to avoid tensing up and creating excess stress when the time comes; instead, gently remind yourself you are capable of what lies ahead.
During this time, I also knew I needed to ensure I was still providing myself with nutrients and calories. I had previously bought honey sticks, coconut water, dried fruit, and saltine crackers which all came in handy. I do not suggest eating a big meal but small snacks and fluids to stay hydrated.
Before going into labor, I had worked closely with my OB and talked to her about my birth preferences. Using the words birth preferences instead of birth plan allowed me to remember that anything was possible. There are many unknowns with labor, and I didn’t want to be disappointed if everything I wanted went out the window. Plans change as we would least expect them, so although I was precise with my preferences, I told myself to stay flexible. I used a fill-in-the-blank worksheet from thebump.com to understand what my options were. I will link that here and found it extremely helpful.
The most important thing I kept telling myself was that I wanted my baby and myself safe, so I was willing to do anything to see that through. My main goal and preference was to avoid excessive interventions. I also wanted to be informed as much as possible and, if problems did arise, for Jimmy to help be my advocate. If it came down to whether interventions were mentioned, I wanted them to be necessary, but I also wanted to know if there were alternatives.
After roughly two hours in the bath, I went to the living room and planned to curl up and try to get comfortable. Instead, moments after making my way, my water broke all over the couch, and I knew it was time to move quickly.
At this point, I could see the fear in Jimmy’s eyes, and yelled to him to grab an adult diaper I had in my postpartum bag. Within minutes he grabbed all of our things, ordered the Uber, and we headed downstairs to make our way to the hospital.
When the Uber pulled up to the hospital, my mind was racing, and by this point, I knew that the baby was coming quickly. Everything was a blur, but I couldn’t help but still worry. Did I ruin the Uber driver’s backseat? Thankfully not.
The guy sitting at the hospital’s front desk knew from the look on my face that I was deep into labor and said to go straight to the 6th floor. They immediately put me in a wheelchair, and once I got to triage, they had me change into a delivery gown.
She asked if I had ever had a cervical exam (I hadn’t), and once she got started, she told me I was 8 1/2 cm dilated. They immediately called my OB to come to the hospital. From that point, she asked if I had a high pain tolerance and if I wanted an epidural because I had made it this far laboring at home. I wanted to keep going without any pain medication. I opted to do this because I wanted to stay as mobile as possible, work with gravity and have the option to walk around.
Another important thing to know was that I said I did not want to be on my back strapped to machines from the beginning. Instead, I could use a wireless fetal monitor, which allowed me to move around. I had discussed this with my OB and knew this was an option ahead of time.
From there, they put me in a wheelchair and brought me into a delivery room. When I entered the room, the lights were bright, the TV was on, and there was a lot of commotion among the nurses. One nurse, while she meant positivity and encouragement, was rather loud and a little hyper, and I know she meant well by her tone and actions; it wasn’t the energy I needed at the time. I immediately took charge and asked for the lights to be dimmed, for everyone to stop talking, to turn the TV off, and to allow me to focus.
I rehearsed this concept repeatedly in my head the weeks prior and knew the importance of solitude in my room. I had practiced going inside my mind so many times and knew that if I wanted this birth to go my way as much as possible, I would have to advocate for myself.
I asked for a birth ball so that I could continue to be upright and began rocking back and forth and side to side.
Meanwhile, throughout most of my labor, I kept my eyes closed. It allowed me to go deep into my thoughts and genuinely focus.
One of the most important reminders I continued to tell myself over and over again was that I was laboring with women all over the world. I was never alone. Reminding myself of this repeatedly encouraged me to connect with powerful women who were laboring simultaneously as I was.
Jimmy continuously gave me coconut water with pineapple throughout my labor, keeping me hydrated. After being on the ball for a little while, it felt like I had to go to the bathroom again. The nurses peeked their heads in and said if you’re feeling pressure, it’s probably not that you have to go to the bathroom, but instead, it could be the pressure from the baby coming.
Sure enough, my OB checked and said I was 10 cm, and she told me I could start pushing. Since she knew I did not want to give birth on my back, she helped me get into an upright, wide-leg position and lowered the bottom of the bed.
I can honestly say this helped tremendously because I could work with gravity.
Now would be a good time to tell you I stayed highly active during my pregnancy. I tried to do squats daily, walk, and do light yoga. I tell you this because it was a prominent part of why I could be in certain positions successfully. Labor can feel like a marathon and the more strength and endurance you can have, the better off you will be. It is never too late to start; even short walks make a difference. As always, work with your doctor on the best plan of action to stay active during your pregnancy.
As my contractions became closer and more intense, I held Jimmy’s hand, continued to focus on staying hydrated, closed my eyes, and told myself over and over again soon enough, my baby boy would be in my arms.
Once again, I can’t stress the importance of mindset while you are giving birth. Know that each contraction is bringing you closer and closer to your baby. One positive mindset tip I learned while pregnant was that once a contraction was gone, it was gone for good. You never have to see that contraction ever again.
As the contractions continued, a nurse accompanied the OB and counted from 10 to 1, 3 times in a row. With each countdown, I pushed as hard as I could. My OB was my biggest cheerleader saying, “Come on, you can do this,” and “You’ve got this.”
After 15 minutes, the doctor told me I needed to move positions to allow him to move further into place. She then allowed me to try out a few positions, one of which was on all fours, and after one contraction, I knew this was not the position for me. Immediately she said try lying on your side and hold one leg up. This allowed me to place my hand under my left thigh, and I could use my body strength to hold back on my leg but push down simultaneously, working with each contraction. I laid back on my right-hand side and took breaks in between.
In the last intense portion of my labor, I did experience a perineal tear. I knew this was likely, as my doctor does not believe in episiotomies. She thinks they are outdated, and I knew this going into my labor.
As Christian was about to arrive, another nurse came in to assist for the final minutes. At this point, my OB told me I needed to go onto my back only for a few minutes as the baby was coming any second. With all my might, I gave the last couple of pushes, and Christian made his way into this world. He was immediately placed on my chest.
While I was so ingrained in the first moments of motherhood my doctor stiched up my tear and I was so consumed with him I barely focused on what she was doing. Therefore, if tearing is a concern of yours, I can tell you truthfully it was not a main focus of what I was consumed with in that moment. However, you will want to focus on recovery afterwards and be gentle with yourself as the tear does take time to heal.
We delayed cord clamping for at least 5 to 6 minutes before Jimmy cut the umbilical cord. My baby boy had finally arrived, it felt surreal, and I feel the luckiest to have had the experience I had.
I want to encourage all of you to become knowledgeable before giving birth. As you plan your preferences, also be open to the idea that things may not go as planned.
I think the most important advice I can give is to become knowledgeable ahead of time as to what your hospital or birth center offers in the delivery room, ask questions, write down your preferences as this is your labor, be an advocate for yourself, know the pros and cons of interventions, stay hydrated and trust in yourself with the decisions you make. If you decide to move forward with an elective C-section, would like an epidural, or feel strongly about any other personal choices, trust your gut and do what’s best for your well-being and your baby.
One other thing to mention, throughout my entire pregnancy, I worked out to a channel on YouTube called Pregnancy and Postpartum TV. The instructor on the channel, Jessica, is a pregnancy and postpartum core exercise specialist (PCES), a registered dietician, and a yoga and fitness instructor. Two days before going into birth, I did this video linked here. Knowing how to exercise during pregnancy can be confusing, but I felt confident with her virtually by my side.
Affirmations For A Positive Birth
Also, below are some affirmations I used that you may find helpful. The mind is one of the most powerful tools you can have during your labor.
“My body is made for this.”
“I am working as one with my baby.”
“I am strong and capable.”
“My body is equipped to give birth.”
“My mind is at ease.”
“Women all over the world are birthing with me right now.”
“I will meet my baby soon.”
“My baby will enter this world at the perfect time.”
“I am loved.”
“I feel at peace at this moment.”
If you have any other questions or need further advice, let me know, and I would be happy to help in any way possible.
Xo,
Tiffany