In this article: strategies you can start using today to become a priority, why self- care isn’t selfish, how slowing down can help us in the long run
If you find putting yourself first challenging, you’ve come to the right spot.
Learning to become a priority for yourself isn’t always easy.
Many of us get consumed taking care of everybody else that we forget about nurturing the most important person—ourselves!
Making ourselves a priority doesn’t mean we fail to show up for others; instead, we take the time to replenish ourselves before showing up for everyone else.
Yes, even before our parents, jobs, colleagues, dog, significant other, you name it.
It means we no longer let vacation days go out the window and instead choose our well-being.
We all need energy, clarity, focus, and self-love to thrive. But when all those things get put on the back burner, it makes it very difficult to show up for others.
With that said, here are 9 powerful steps to put yourself first and become a priority:
1. Remember That Making Yourself A Priority Is Not Selfish
Over the next couple of days, consider what you need.
Is it time alone?
Is it clarity?
Does your space need organization?
Is it time for a job change?
When you take the time to ask yourself what you need, most of the time, you already know the answer.
However, if you are completely overwhelmed in life, you may not be making space for the answer to come through. The solution is usually relatively straightforward. The answer may be that we need rest, time to process a situation, or a break from chores.
Get quiet with yourself and begin thinking about what it is you need.
I know for me, I require a lot of solitude. It’s during quiet moments alone when I do my best writing. I am an outgoing introvert, and a part of that means I love spending time with people and socializing.
However, after spending several days with others, I tend to go a little crazy if I don’t give myself moments of solitude.
When I feel overwhelmed, I usually head to the coffee shop, take a time out, brainstorm with music, or explore somewhere new in the city.
Get to know yourself and what you need, and then work to give yourself those things.
It will be worth paying attention to, and it isn’t selfish for you to make room for the things that will fill your cup first.
2. Ask For Help When You Need It
We all need some extra support now and then if we are going to become a priority for ourselves. It’s okay to lean on a friend or family member to vent to when you need it. The reassurance can provide comfort and help us know that we will get through a difficult season and are not alone.
Also, don’t be afraid to have conversations with your doctor or other medical professionals. It’s up to us to get the support we need to thrive.
I always remind myself that no one is coming to save me; instead, I need to be proactive and get help when things go wrong.
3. Figure Out How You Will Handle The Guilt Ahead Of Time
We can carry a lot of guilt when we choose to do something for ourselves rather than using the time for others.
For example, if your elderly parent needs help with something, but you have been having lower back pain and need a massage, you must ensure you show up for yourself first.
Make room for your massage, so you feel better, and then you can get back at helping your parents. Don’t deplete yourself so that you don’t have the energy to help yourself after you help them.
There is only one you, so if you run yourself into the ground, you won’t be of help to anyone.
When your needs are met, you are more likely to give more of yourself to others and do so happily.
You may initially feel selfish about putting yourself first, but once it has become a habit, you will see the difference it can make. Help yourself first, and then abundance will overflow onto helping others.
David Stafford once said, “Whenever you feel compelled to put others first at the expense of yourself, you are denying your own reality, your own identity.”
4. Focus On Your Breathing
I recently became familiar with a term coined ‘email apnea,’ where our breathing becomes shallow, or we hold it all together. It usually happens while responding to texts or checking email.
I have noticed I do this when I am creating videos or reels. I become so ingrained in the task at hand I no longer am concentrating on the most important thing I should be doing—giving myself adequate oxygen.
Eckhart Tolle tells us, “When you get into your car, shut the door and be there for just half a minute. Breathe, feel the energy inside your body, look around at the sky, the trees. The mind might tell you, ‘I don’t have time.’ But that’s the mind talking to you. Even the busiest person has time for 30 seconds of space.”
The next time you are deep into a project, getting angry with your kids, or checking 275 emails, breathe.
Pause and take some long. deep. breaths.
Center yourself and remember you are valuable.
5. Keep Your Goals At The Forefront Of Your Mind
Setting personal, meaningful goals in life helps to give each of us a purpose. When we become too consumed taking care of everyone else, we may be too exhausted to have the energy to think about what goals we have for ourselves.
Always be working towards expanding your growth and mindset. It can even be something minuscule, such as reading five pages of a book a day. Or something more profound such as getting your business off the ground.
Don’t be so engrossed in supporting everyone else that you don’t support your personal growth.
6. Create a Self-healing Space For Yourself
Take time away from mindlessly scrolling social media, toxic people, and other life circumstances that drain your energy.
Instead, focus on activities or a self-healing space that brings you joy and makes you come alive.
That self-healing space could entail taking a hot bath with candles, adding comfy pillows to your bed, or creating a garden outside where you can spend time alone.
Your environment can heavily affect your well-being, so keep that in mind if you feel misaligned.
Related: 12 Ways To Create A Bright And Airy Bedroom You Love
7. Give Yourself Time To Navigate Hardships
When you’re faced with a challenging time in your life, the last thing you want to do is try to sweep your feelings under the rug. Give yourself plenty of time to process what is happening.
Explore strategies such as journaling, chatting with a loved one, or getting professional help.
Trying to make the problem disappear or pretending it doesn’t exist can worsen a situation. Sometimes the only thing that can take an issue away is time, so don’t be too hard on yourself if there isn’t a solution right away.
When you feel depleted because of a situation, try to ease up on your schedule and workload. I always find I am more productive once the issue has subsided, so go easy on yourself when necessary.
Related: 5 Strategies To Become More Resilient
8. Decide How You’re Going To Become A Priority This Week Ahead Of Time
Just as you would schedule a dentist appointment and hold yourself to it, do the same when showing up for yourself.
Decide early in the week, like a Sunday night, what day and time you will schedule self-care for yourself. Place it on the family calendar, your phone, or anywhere you can easily see it.
Some ideas how you can show up for yourself are meeting with a friend for coffee, strolling the aisles of Target for a new inspirational coffee mug, or booking a chiropractor appointment to get your back straightened out.
Whatever you decide to do for yourself, put it on the calendar and make it real.
Related: 5 Actionable Ways To Reset And Get Back To Happy
9. Slow Down
For those of us who are natural-born leaders, we may have convinced ourselves that we have to be the ones that handle everything in our lives. If this is you, what’s important to remember is that we can delegate, prioritize only essential tasks, or slow down altogether when necessary.
When we are headed towards burnout, we are allowed to hit pause, take breaks, and rest. Because many of us put pressure on ourselves to keep going at our current speed, it may not always seem like we can take a step back to slow down.
But I assure you the world will not fall apart if you need to reassess the rate you are going.
For example, if our plate becomes too full at work, can we ask a colleague to help back us up? At home, can we ask our partner for more support? Think about different ways you can take some of the pressure off yourself. Although it may seem counterintuitive to slow down, it will help you tremendously in the grand scheme of things.
Remember, becoming a priority is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Once you fill your bucket, you can help those closest to you.
Your life from a professional and personal standpoint will only get better when you choose to put your needs before everything else.
What steps do you take to become a priority for yourself? I would love to hear in the comments.
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