Strategies to build your emotional intelligence and the effects it can have on your success
In this article: Understanding what emotional Intelligence is and why it’s important, examples of high emotional intelligence, and how to increase your emotional intelligence in the workplace
Emotional intelligence (EI) or sometimes referred to as emotional quotient (EQ), is the ability to understand and manage your emotions.
Having a high level of emotional intelligence is beneficial in not only understanding your emotions but also having an awareness of the emotions of others. Then, using that information to arrive at a desired result or goal.
The Five Elements Of Emotional Intelligence
American psychologist Daniel Goleman notes there are five elements to understanding emotional intelligence:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social skills
Now that we know the five elements that make up emotional intelligence, let’s dive deeper into understanding how we can use them to our advantage.
Self-awareness
A good sign that you have emotional intelligence in self-awareness is that you clearly define how you feel to others and proactively problem-solve when issues arise.
When you have self-awareness, you are mindful of your strengths and where your areas of improvement lie.
For example, let’s say you have too many items on your plate at work. You have become super overwhelmed, and things are falling through the cracks. Instead of shutting down, you speak to your manager and present the idea of having some extra help from a colleague.
You are highly aware of how you felt, so you problem-solved the situation and were able to complete you work while trying to maintain peak performance.
How to put self-awareness into practice: To be more in tune with your self-awareness, you can use journaling to process your emotions. Write down any triggers that come about in your day and note if you handled them rationally or not.
You can also practice mindfulness and reflect on your emotions throughout the day.
Were there things that made you feel angry?
How can you better manage them the next time you are faced with a challenge?
Related: 20 Thought-Provoking Journal Prompts to Help With Your Success
Self-regulation
When you have high emotional intelligence in self-regulation, you have composure even when you disagree with a situation, event or person. You can process a situation without acting out of context and know when to take breaks or step away to process a situation as needed.
Let’s say you get an email at work and immediately feel angered by your colleague. You avoid writing back until you can process the email and try to view it from your colleague’s perspective. While you are annoyed, you don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
You step away from your desk, grab a glass of water and take a few deep breaths. You ask to meet with your colleague so you can discuss it in person or on the phone to share your thoughts.
How to put self-regulation into practice: Take your time responding in situations where you disagree. Take a walk, or give yourself time in a safe environment where you can check in with yourself after an incident happens.
Also, be mindful of shallow breathing and feeling excessive stress in the upper shoulders. Take some deep breaths in and out.
Think about how you can problem solve instead of acting on your first emotion, which might be anger, and wait until you feel more relaxed or ready to present some ideas in an efficient way.
Motivation
When you have intrinsic motivation, you have the ability to celebrate small wins. You can break down your goals into smaller chunks, and don’t let failure get you hung up. You are highly in tune with your personal development and know how to appreciate yourself and your hard work.
Let’s say you are up for a promotion at work. Instead of receiving the promotion, you are denied and told to try again in a year. Rather than becoming frustrated, you work closely with your manager to obtain the necessary skills, so you are ready the next time you can try for a promotion.
For the next year, you find ways to enjoy the process, and each month celebrate the skills you are continuously improving. You keep your eye on the prize and don’t give up even when things become challenging.
How to put motivation into practice: Appreciate yourself for your daily wins. The key is not to wait until you have reached big audacious goals but rather those minor wins you would otherwise overlook.
Even if you not yet reached your big goal, you are still proud of yourself for the growth that you are making.
Related: How To Accomplish Big Audacious Goals When You Don’t Know Where To Start
Empathy
When you have empathy for others you are able to recognize what it would feel like if you were going through a similar situation. You can imagine how a situation feels even if you can’t entirely relate. You are not quick to pass judgment on others.
An example of high emotional intelligence in empathy would be to listen fully, and some responses could be:
That must be so hard.
I am sorry to hear you are going through that.
I am here for you.
How to put empathy into practice: Take time to listen when others share their stories. Instead of responding with how you feel, ask more questions.
Try to put yourself in another person’s shoes and try and understand where they are coming from, even if you don’t agree or it’s something you have never experienced.
Related: Here’s How To Take Your Leadership Skills To The Next Level
Social skills
High emotional intelligence in social skills means you are able to navigate working with others. You handle teamwork efficiently and can collaborate and communicate effectively.
Let’s say you are placed on a project at work with a few team members who often have different views than you do. During the project, your colleague starts talking about something you disagree with. Instead of interrupting, you listen to try and understand where they are coming from.
When a third colleague jumps in and interrupts with a harsh comment, you politely suggest it’s time to move on and persuade both parties that it’s best to stay on topic. The team gets back to focusing on the goal of the project.
How to put social skills into practice: Maintain eye contact when speaking with others. Be respectful even when you disagree, and take time to listen. Use questions to develop a deeper understanding of others.
What emotional intelligence skill would you like to work on first? I would love to hear in the comments.
I want to leave you with this mindset reminder: you have more control over your emotions than you realize.